I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
