therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
