Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
