its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
