Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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