just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
