Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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