Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
