I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
