I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
