Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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