Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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