The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
