I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
