Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
