I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
