i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
