Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
