When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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