Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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