Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.