Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
