Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
