i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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