I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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