yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
