So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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