When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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