I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
