also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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