you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
