He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were trust falling into bushes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
