If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
