Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
