Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
