What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
