I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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