she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
