She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
