so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
