I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
