What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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