i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
