if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
