he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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