Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
