i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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