what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
