i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
