WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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