He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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