You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
