I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
