my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
