Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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