I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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