I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
