i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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