That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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