What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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