I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
