he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He shit in the fireplace
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
