oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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