Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
