It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
