I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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