That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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