So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
