Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
