haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
