I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
