I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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