You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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