Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
