i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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