Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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