EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
