what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize