my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
