You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
