just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my liver is dry heaving
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
