i think i have herpe
just one?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
