I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
