We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
